You may have come across Rick Owens’s new fashion collection on your favorite social media. If you haven’t, here:
If, for some reason, you cannot watch the above, here’s what you’re missing out on: A bunch of models walk the catwalk wearing each other as elaborate…costumes, I guess? Backpacks? Frontpacks? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that it looks weird as hell. Here’s a still shot from the video:
“I’m 34, you’re 35, if you add our ages, you get 6–“
“Don’t you say it, Clarice!”
You probably expect me to make fun of this exercise in insanity, as I often do. But I won’t. It’s not my place to pass judgement. Besides, people in the know have referred to the performance as “a tribute to female strength,” suggesting “the physical labors of pregnancy,” so I can only assume this must be true.
But I do wonder what goes on through the models’ minds as they participate in this misguided yoga contortionist extravaganza. Look at their faces. None of them can possibly be enjoying this. How did the recruitment for this go?
“Hi, Jennifer, is that right?”
“That’s me.”
“Great. Grrrrreat. Great-great-great-great-great. Great! Could you shut the door, please? Sooooooo, Jennifer. You’re a really dedicated model, aren’t you?”
“I try.”
“You sure do. You suuuure do. Okay, so here’s what we’re going to need you to do for this next gig. Take a look at these concept sketches.”
“Dear God! Are these people all right? They look like they need help!”
“No, silly. That’s your costume. You’d be carrying Clarice on your shoulders while her hair streams freely downward, letting gravity pull it every which way.”
“But…her face…it’d be in my crotch.”
“It’s a tribute to female strength!”
“Her butt cheeks…they’d be in my face.”
“It’s about the physical labors of pregnancy, Jennifer. We’re breaking new ground here.”
“My face. Her butt cheeks.”
“We’re visionaries. Fashion revolutionaries. We dare to show people what nobody else does.”
“Butt cheeks.”
*sign* “Fine. How much do you want?”
“My yearly salary for this one catwalk.”
“Isn’t that a little too–”
“BUTT CHEEKS!”
“Okay okay. You got it.”
“I hate my life.”
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