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4 simple tips for a successful career
This is it! Your first day of work. Soon, you’ll be the boss of this place. You’re a go-getter! You’re a jet-setter! There’s no one better! Except, you’re none of those things. You’ve cheated your way...
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Facebook unveils “reactions” to simplify not talking to friends
Facebook announced a revolutionary feature that will finally let people express feelings with the least amount of effort possible. Reactions improve on “Likes” This scenario should be familiar to all:...
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7 baby wipes life hacks that totally work (and are definitely not just a way...
Hi there, stranger. Have you heard of baby wipes? Sure you have! They’re wipes for babies. They come in a convenient package that holds lots of slightly moist cleaning wipes which you pull out one by...
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The Little [Blank] Who Lost [Blank’s] Name
I tend to mock all sorts of things on this blog, from insane self-defense gadgets to sex toys to cat toys to my not-very-kind recap of The Sound Of Music. Today, I’ll switch things up a bit and instead...
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So you’re still voting for Trump. Why the bleeping bleep?!
It’s mid-October. Less than a month to go until America elects a new president. Are you planning to vote for Trump? Cool, cool… Hey, quick question: What the actual Muslim-banning fuck?! How in the...
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Email troll: “Pssst, hey…got some superpowers, man?”
Many a moon ago, in the ancient year of 2012, yours truly penned an article about ridiculous superpowers for sale on eBay. Most of you read the articles, chuckled about how silly it’d be if someone...
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James Comey bombshell: “Trump may be devouring infants.”
Dear Messrs Chairmen, In my previous congressional testimony, I have not mentioned Donald Trump in any capacity. Due to recent developments, I am writing to supplement my previous testimony. In...
View ArticleAnd then they were two…
This is going to surprise you, but parenting is sort of hard. Harder than owning cats, even. You take care of a tiny little human that relies on you for everything and needs near-constant attention. In...
View ArticleHere’s to seven. Go for seventy?
Exactly seven years ago, I kissed a girl (and I liked it). Fast forward to today, and we have our own place, two cats, two kids, and two wedding rings that spell “Infinity and beyond” when you put them...
View ArticleNightmare
What was that? You bolt upright. Groggy from a sleep cut short, you stay still to let your eyes adjust to the dark. The house is silent, yet you feel an uneasy presence. You scan the room, glancing...
View ArticleComrades! Mother Russia is under attack!
Dear compatriots! It is with deep sadness that I must inform you of a grave danger to our motherland. The day we feared the most has finally arrived. Early this morning, Ukraine attacked our country...
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